You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
