I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
