I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
