come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
