A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
