her vagine was all disorganized.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
