we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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