Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
