good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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