i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
