this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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