I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
