i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
