Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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