all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
