I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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