Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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