I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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