I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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