yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
