During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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