im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
