I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
