everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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