how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
