i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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