Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
