It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
