do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
