why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
