his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
