I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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