Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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