i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
