Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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