Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
