I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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