If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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