Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
don't judge my taste in strippers
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
