Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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