i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Quick, to the slutcave!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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