Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
