i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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