1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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