He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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