I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
