Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Me too!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
