hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
