so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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