we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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