the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
