she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
