Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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