were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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