I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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