i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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