Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
