I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
