The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
