I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
