Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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