I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
