You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
