I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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