What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize