I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
