I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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