i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
