the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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