Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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